Last week, I went to the library to do some research. I left with
an absurd number of books, enough that I had to call my boyfriend to come pick
me up because I couldn't carry them home. Most of them were about art, artists
and design–Antony Gormely, Eva Hesse, Louise Bougouise, South American Folk
Pottery, African Basketry, and other books of that nature. But when I was wandering
around the stacks of the library, I took a detour and picked up a poetry book.
Last
summer, I was struggling with a lot of anxiety. I have a friend that I would
talk to about it, and she was going through some similar stuff. She read this
poem to me, and I was enraptured with it. It made me feel more calm and at
ease.
Towards
the end of the summer, both of us had to go back to school. One morning, we
were supposed to meet to work out, but she showed up hours late. When she
finally got to my house, she had a very large brown book with her. She told me
that she wanted to show me what it was, so we both went to my room and sat down
on my bed to get some privacy from everyone else in my house. When she opened
it up and began flipping the pages and talking, I started getting choked up.
She had written out poems and quotes o the pages that she thought might help me
when I was feeling like things were getting bad. There were drawings and photos
of things that I liked. It was all so beautifully handmade. And one of the
pages was fully dedicated to that poem, Wild
Geese by Mary Oliver.
I have
been feeling kind of lost and stressed out lately, and I’ve been coming back to
that poem. As I was wandering through the library, it occurred to me that there
was probably a book of her poems somewhere. Sure enough, I found a nice thick
purple one. I haven’t had a chance to read all of it, but I have read a few and
they’re wonderful. And I keep reading Wild
Geese.
This is a beautiful poem. I understand the anxiety that plagues you from time to time. It happens to myself as well. There is a lot of stress associated with school. There is a lot of stress when you are in your early 20's. I went through it in my day. It's a part of life. Nobody tells you when you are growing up that your 20's are some of the most difficult years you will ever face. A lot of pressure from the outside world is placed on our young adults. I managed to travel the world on my own when I was in my 20's, but I am much happier in my 30's. When you are young, you are beautiful. When you are older, you are wiser. The older I get, the less I am bothered by trivial things. It has been a relief. I stopped worrying about my failures and disappointments a long time ago. I stopped worrying about what people thought of me a long time ago. It's been a relief. I can just let go. Don't sweat the small stuff and you will be fine. Enjoy this time while your young and chill out once in a while.
ReplyDeleteMary Cate, wow this post was so well written. I could tell your sincerity and I was interested in reading this post from start to finish. I also enjoyed how you included your feelings in your blog. It is nice to read something real because so much of college work is bogged down by boring academic reading. Great work!
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